Part of our objective in our KS1 and KS2 English lessons is to support students in improving their writing abilities, giving them the skills to deploy a wider vocabulary coherently and create descriptions which do justice to the ideas and images in their imagination.
It is the tutor's role to understand what these ideas are and to guide them onto the page with the student. We tend to let the student create their original version first before stepping back and adding in slightly altered sentence structures, new vocabulary or rewritten ideas. This means that children can understand the process of improving their writing organically and avoids the adult simply writing the story for the child which has little benefit for them. In fact, doing so may reduce the child's confidence in their own often, incredibly creative, original ideas!
7+ Creative Writing Level Up.
Student’s First Attempt
Captain Bill and Mungo were on their old ship going to Chocolate Island. They were going to find a magical chocolate tree. But then a storm began! They could hear lots of thunder and it began to rain.
Mungo was very scared and thought he was going to drown. Luckily, land was in sight. Together, they steered the boat towards it with all their strength.
Student & Tutor Version
Captain Bill and Mungo were sailing on their ancient ship. They were courageous explorers and eager to discover the magical, chocolate tree growing on Chocolate Island. Chocolate Island was famous for its beautiful and unique plants and animals but it was notorious for being difficult to find!
The explorers were sailing through the Indian Ocean on their boat, carved from gleaming wood and decorated with proud, red flags. They had nearly reached the Island when, all of a sudden, a storm began. Waves were lashing against the ship like angry wolves. Rain fell like the tears of an angry giant from the black sky. They could hear bellows of thunder on every side.
Mungo shouted to Bill in despair, “We are going to drown in the high seas!”
But Bill replied, “Don’t worry Mungo, I can see land!”
Comments
The tutor has worked with the student to add character and setting description via impressive adjectives and using the five senses. They have also added in new figurative language to help convey the intensity of the storm. The levelled up version has included dialogue to showcase the student's ability to present varied punctuation.
Overall the student is able to demonstrate a wider vocabulary and higher descriptive writing ability while keeping the story true to their original idea.
11+ Creative Writing Level Up
Student’s First Attempt
Slowly, I walked into the illuminated house. Ghostly sounds were shooting at me from all directions. A shiver rattled down my spine, forcing me to go back.
Student & Tutor Version
Slowly, I walked into the illuminated house. Ghostly sounds were emanating from the wild walls. The windows cracked as the menacing house watched my every step. Huge chunks of the ceiling were gaping open, allowing the gale outside to whip through. As I moved forward, a broken floorboard pierced my calf like a cold blade. I was tempted to go back, but my curiosity drew me on
Comments
There is nothing wrong with the student's original writing. But the tutor had noticed a missed opportunity for extended description. Often, students will be tempted to rush through the action of a pivotal part of a story before fully building the mood or setting the scene!
Together, they have added focused description, including personification and simile, to properly convey the character's entry into this terrifying building! The added language creates a more effective image of the house as a menacing presence in the story, developing the sinister atmosphere and creating greater tension as the reader is drawn into the fate of the narrator.
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